Once there was a little monkey named Jared. He was a good little monkey, but always very curious.
One Saturday morning (November 14th, to be exact), Jared woke up. It was a beautiful, sunny morning, and everyone was finally healthy and happy. Mommy and Daddy were looking forward to a calm, normal day together. Then before breakfast, something happened. Jared had a dirty diaper! Jared was curious. What would happen if he stuck his hand in his diaper? He decided to try it. Oh, what happened! First this, and then this--(Narrator: we won't divulge the details, but you can imagine the mess we got to clean up. The hand, the clothes, and the kitchen floor.)
After breakfast, the man in the yellow hat had to go to work, so Jared said smiled and waved goodbye. "Be a good little boy until I get home," the man called. Jared promised. But it is easy for little monkeys to forget.
After Allison's morning nap, Mommy took everyone shopping. "Just one store," she said. Because more than one store can mean disaster. So they climbed into the car and away they went to... the fabric store! Mommy got out and put Jared and Allison in the double stroller. Jared ate pretzels as they bumped through the double doors. What a neat place! There were aisles and aisles of fabric of all different colors. On a shelf were balls and balls of yarn. Near the checkout counter were rows of sewing machines and bottles of oil. Jared munched his pretzels while mommy steered their boat between the aisles, glancing at her watch and hoping for twenty minutes.
Fifteen minutes. Jared heard a cry. It was poor baby Allison. Jared was all better, but she was still a little sniffly and sad. Mommy started to push the stroller faster. Soon there were three big bolts of fuzzy fabric tottering on top of the stroller handle. A nice lady cut them out, and mommy went to look for some more. The nice lady was busy by the time Mommy came back, and Allison was getting louder and louder. Jared saw some other people look at her. Mommy picked her up out of the stroller and rocked her. Then Jared looked down. "I want more pretzels!" He said. Mommy looked worried and said there weren't any more.
Time to check out! Mommy held Allison, steered the double stroller with one hand, and tried not to let the piles of fuzzy fabric fall off. Finally they got to the checkout counter. There were lots of people buying all kinds of fabric and ribbons. "Oh no!" Said Mommy. "I forgot the interfacing!" So they went back to the counter with the nice lady. What a noise! Allison was crying and crying, and the nice lady didn't seem quite as nice anymore. Mommy found the interfacing fast and waited for the lady to cut it for her. She bounced Allison and hugged Allison and tried to give toys to Allison. Nothing was working! But the lady was coming. Mommy was relieved. She looked down at Curious Jared. What was that bottle he was holding? What was that shiny liquid that was squirting all over his shirt and the stroller and the floor? Oil! Jared has found a bottle of sewing machine oil, and it was squirting out of the tube nicely, like a fountain! "Oh Jared!" Mommy gasped. Jared licked the oil. It tasted funny, but he didn't mind that. Mommy snatched the bottle from Jared and scoured its label. "Non-toxic" Mommy read and sighed. The oil was greasy and slippery. The lady at the checkout had to bag it up so it wouldn't make a mess in their car. Jared thought he heard Mommy breath something like "Never taking either of them... shopping... for the rest of their lives," but he couldn't be sure.
That afternoon Daddy came home early. What fun it was when Daddy got home! It was the last warm day of the year, so Daddy thought they could all go out to the garden to rake leaves. Jared ran through the grass ahead of everyone. They crossed the bridge, and started walking across the field. A neighbor was walking by, and he said hello to them. But Jared didn't say hello back--he had another idea. Quick as lightening, Jared darted back over the bridge, around the corner, and smack into... berries! There was a tall berry bush just Jared's size! Jared loved berries. He ate them every morning on his cereal. These berries were darker with red stems, but they looked juicy. Jared plucked one off and started to put it in his mouth. "Jared! Don't eat that!" Daddy pulled Jared away from the bush. But there was purple berry juice on Jared's mouth. "How many did you eat?" Daddy asked.
Jared spent the rest of the afternoon back inside playing with his cars while Daddy looked up berry plants on the computer and Mommy called Poison Control. Yes, Pokeberry is poisonous, but only if you eat more than ten berries. Wash his hands and face, give him a drink, and call us back in an hour, the lady on the phone said. Curious Jared was lucky that time, said Daddy. Better stick with frozen blueberries, said Mommy.
The exciting Saturday was soon over, and Jared slept soundly that night. The next day was Sunday. Everyone had to stay home from Church except for Daddy because Allison was still sick and Jared was still coughing. For lunch Jared got to eat bologna, eggs, cheese, and baby carrots. How Jared loved baby carrots! Mommy was mixing up Allison's baby food while Jared used his sharp teeth to bite off pieces of carrot, just like a rabbit. Suddenly his nose started to tickle, and he sneezed a big sneeze! Pieces of carrot flew everywhere! But Mommy didn't notice. Jared rubbed his nose and looked down at the pieces. Suddenly he was curious. Would one of them fit into his nose? He picked one up and tried. It did! But it felt funny, so Jared tried to get it out. He pushed his finger up and up, but still the piece didn't come out. Suddenly the door opened--Daddy was home! Daddy sat down at the table and looked at Jared. "Is there something in your nose?" he asked.
Mommy and Daddy got out a little light and shined it into Jared's nose. Sure enough, it was a carrot. How would they get it out? They tried helping Jared sneeze. They tried tweezers. They even tried the baby nose sucker, but the carrot was stuck tight. So they called Urgent Care. The lady said maybe doctor could get it out. And if he couldn't, the ER could. Mommy and Daddy looked at each other. What did they do? Did they laugh? Did they cry? If you want to find out, you'll have to ask Curious Jared.
Epilogue: The doctor couldn't get the carrot out, so we have an appointment with the ear, nose, and throat specialists this morning. Jared will probably be all right, despite his overactive curiosity. We're just glad this wasn't the outcome of this weekend:
http://www.victorlams.com/etc/images/george-3.jpgThat's our little monkey.